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2.19.2005
Dizzying new heights of shillness. CPAC: Conservative Political Action Conference. 8:00 - 10:00 A.M : Hillary Clinton jokes and Pancake Breakfast 10:00 - 12:00 Noon : Ollie North Book signing : "How to Lie to Congress and Get Away with It" 12:00 - 4:00 P.M. : Blaming Liberals for everything from bellybutton lint to the last Ice Age (Which didn't really happen!) 4:00 - 6:00 P.M. : Roundtable Discussion : "Hey All Our Checks are Signed by the Same People!" 6:00 - Midnight : Whining about the media and universities (Affirmative Action for Conservatives) Midnight - 2:00 A.M. : Getting to "Know" You Party (Followed by : Heavy Drinking and Gay Sex Orgy) Of course, if I were a conservative I could make an extremely tasteless joke (a la Ann Coulter) about how I wish Osama would fly a plane in to the CPAC convention, ("HAHA they would be killed, get it!!!") and nobody would treat me like a hateful opportunist. Hell I might even get asked to speak at the next meeting of "respectable people" and shake the Vice President's hand. ok, now a real sample of the CPAC schedule: 2:15pm Book Signing (Atrium Ballroom Foyer) People, get over yourselves!!! We're already through one whole term of Bush and you people are still writing about Bill Clinton? PENIS. BLOWJOB. INTERN. (What else is there to say?) Does everyone there have a fucking book to peddle? And are they all about "Liberals, The Clintons and how we should round up and torture people we don't like?" (Hey that's a catchy title, I bet it would sell.) Did I cover it all? Presentation of Courage Under Fire Award You have got to be kidding me? They're going to give those smear artists an award? They can have my trophy I won playing soccer when I was a kid for all it matters to anyone. "Now crawl back to Texas until next time we need a person with no conscience." Attention Liberals: The Conservative Movement has become a parody of itself. Leave them alone, nothing this farcical can survive its own weight in sheer shortsightedness and stupidity. I should just resist the urge to read these websites, because every time I do I'm reminded of the depths of self-deception that people will go to earn a few greasy bucks. For while they all sit around and laugh about the Clintons and write books about the big bad evil liberals the people writing the checks have a real agenda that is dangerous for America. 8:50am - In Defense of Innovation : The War Against the Drug Companies Hello, Vioxx anyone? In this brave new age of conservative ideals we'll all get to sit around, make fun of the Clintons while the pills we take are slowly killing us. And when we find out that the drug companies knew about it all along (Reference history, see Tobacco Companies) we'll take them to court only to have a judge laugh in our faces and say "You can't sue them, they have special protections!!!" What, we have no legal rights anymore? When did that happen? Probably while you were reading all those books about how fucking great Ronald Reagan was. |
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