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12.18.2004
Heather at Freakishly Prompt was wondering: do you think it be too much to ask santa for a boy who'll come over to watch movies, eat pizza, get just intoxicated enough to feel fuzzy and smooch with on friday nights? I say, no need to ask Santa. Getting a boy is easy. Just follow a few simple steps and you should have a boy in no time: Boy fishing: Step 1: Dress up nice, preferably something in a fuzzy sweater. Bring a roll of duct tape. Step 2: Head down to your local computer/electronics store where there is a disproportionate number of boyfish schooling. Step 3: Wander around by yourself until you spot a promising boyfish. Move in his direction while you pretend to be "looking for something" and wait for boyfish to close in. Step 4: Engage boyfish in a conversation about whatever you just happened to be looking at. Ask lots of questions. Laugh at anything he says. Mention being single, mention being free at a specific time on a specific night. (Boyfish are stupid and need lots of help.) Step 5: Lean in close, this should shut down his higher reasoning powers and cause boyfish to issue a date invitation. At this point boyfish should be ready to be reeled in, if not go to Step 6. Step 6: Wait in the parking lot for boyfish to emerge. Tackle him from behind and stuff him into the truck or hatch of your car. Use duct tape if he struggles. Keep boyfish in a bag with enough air for him to breathe for several hours. Take him back to your apartment and let him get acclimated to the new environment before transferring him from the bag to the sofa. Step 7: Feed regularly, they like cookies. ---- Anyone have a guide to girlfishing, preferbly one that has less than a hundred steps? |
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