Two days after the election and I’m already starting to get in touch with my inner Republican. I mean, let’s face it – these guys know how to frame issues, and they have made the very important discovery that a majority of Americans would rather stick it to others (foreigners, gays, liberals, the UN, whoever) than help themselves. Liberals can lament this fact – or we can learn from it.

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One thing that’s obvious from the Presidential election is that there is very little to be gained by appealing to Red State (or any) fundamentalists on the grounds of economic self-interest. Yes, these people are often poorly-paid, poorly-educated, without health benefits, and stuck in communities that have been systematically reduced to a thin, white cultural paste by big box retail chains and cookie-cutter housing developments. But, apparently, they like it that way.

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The educated elites of the coasts need to stop pretending we have anything to teach people that already have it all figured out. I mean, clearly, these people know the Moral Truth for themselves – just ask them. Who are we to argue? All we ask is that, in exchange for us rootless cosmopolitans backing off from forcing them to be tolerant, reasonable and realistic, they take responsibility for the outcomes of their own policies and stop blaming far-away liberals, academia and Hollywood for their problems.

You want to teach creationism in your schools? Fine, do it. Abstinence-only Sex Ed for teens? Sure! Bans on abortions (except to save the mother’s life)? Hell yeah, why not? If people really think these ideas are worth trying, they should try them out on themselves. Just leave the rest of us out please, OK?

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After all, Red Staters could not have been more clear. They don’t want Democratic values and they are not going to give their support to Democratic-sponsored programs in their own economic self-interest. Let’s take the hint. If they want to run supply-side theocracies in the states where they can get away with it, that’s just dandy. We’ll back off and keep our corrupt, godless, big-government ways to ourselves – along, of course, with our money.