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10.11.2004
Atrios has a wonderful link up where you can hear Tom Coburn, Senate Candidate for the State of Oklahoma say: You know, Josh Burkeen is our rep down here in the southeast area. He lives in Colgate and travels out of Atoka. He was telling me lesbianism is so rampant in some of the schools in southeast Oklahoma that they?ll only let one girl go to the bathroom. Now think about it. Think about that issue. How is it that that?s happened to us?" - Rampant Lesbianism? In Oklahoma? Is it something in the water? Runoff from old abandoned mining operations? Nah... we all know what causes lesbianism. Ugly Penises. That's right guys, your ugly penis is scaring women to the dark side of lesbianism. All the lesbians have to do to recruit is put up posters showing what horrors the heterosexual women will have to face once the zipper has been navigated. (Except for Kilgore, who keeps his penis spit-polished with nightly rub downs) Or Rep. Burkeen may only be speculating that women are engaging in lesbian acts in the bathroom. I mean, why else would they go in pairs? They never do that unless they are intent on squeezing in some sweaty lovemaking in a smelly bathroom stall whilst in the middle of taking a Geometry quiz. Lesbianism is an addiction more powerful than heroin. It all starts so innocently, combing each others hair. Its like gateway petting. Then they go on to french braiding. From there its a slumber party away from a full blown girl on girl addiction. But now that we're armed with hearsay and bold assertions we can act accordingly. Twelve new churches must be built immediately! Printers will work overtime to churn out millions of new Bibles! We'll increase the evangelical TV stations from three to five, the radio stations from five to seven. We'll burn all the textbooks! There's just not enough God being pumped into our kids. We better bomb the Isle of Lesbos, just to be safe. Jesus General writes Coburn a nice little letter with some advice: The first step is to find a way to hide a woman's beauty so that men and other women wouldn't be attracted to her. I've designed a modesty dress to do just that. It covers a woman head-to-toe in a drape-like fashion. Nothing shows--no, hands, no eyes, no curves. As a Senator, you could pass legislation mandating that every woman wear a modesty dress when they're out in public. If God wanted women to rule the world he would have given them penises. |
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