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10.30.2004
Host: Thank you for tuning into the Libertarian Broadcast Network, broadcasting on every frequency across both the AM and FM dial... let's take a caller" Caller: "Um... I tuned into to listen to my classical station and I got your guys!" Host: "That's right, we don't believe in government regulations so we set up the biggest tower and just drowned everyone else out, you don't like it, take some personal responsibility and set up your own tower, don't let the government tell you what to do!" Caller: ".. but I don't have the time or money to start my own station..." Host: "See there's your problem, you have become dependent on big daddy government to take care of you, you need to get weaned off that tit and we're fighting to give you more of your own money back by bankrupting the government! Once you get all your money back from a big wasteful bureaucracy then maybe you can have your own radio station too!" Caller: "But I don't mind paying a little taxes to keep the roads in good shape, regulate the airwaves, educate the kids..." Host : (groans) "Take some personal responsibility!!! I keep a shovel, gravel and road tar in the back of my pickup and repair potholes on my way to work every morning!! I homeschool my own kids, organize my own militia and run this radio station. Do you hear me complaining?? Next caller.. line two." Caller: "Hello, I thought this was NPR...???" Host: (shouting) "We're not some government propaganda network telling you how great big government is, we're here to free you from the tyranny of Washington and force you to take some responsibility for yourself!! Once you see how great the unregulated free market is you'll wonder how you ever thought your slavery was so great... you'll get better programming and more variety under the market!!!" Caller: "But... you've taken over the entire spectrum??" Host: "We're only delivering what the public wants, if they didn't want it we wouldn't be the only station on the air..." Caller: "But you just used your money to block everyone else out.." Host: "Bah.. if they don't like it they can build a bigger tower and beat us at our own game... next caller, line four." Caller: "But isn't our government run by the people? If you bankrupt it aren't your denying people the right to have government provide the services we want from it? If we didn't like what the government was doing we can always elect new people, you're taking away our freedom to govern ourselves... besides, you guys never get more than five percent of the vote anyways... isn't that a bit telling?" Host: (yelling into the microphone) "Slaves all of you, we will free you!!! You're too brainwashed to see the real problem. You only think you want public education, you only think you want Social Security, you only think that you want labor laws and safety regulations, but you'll see, once we get rid of all these things we'll be so much better off, richer and more responsible!" Caller: "Didn't we try this all before... and isn't that why we supported all these programs in the first place, because companies were overworking people and kids... and people had no protection from getting injured on the job... or if banks stole their savings they had no legal recourse... or anything to fall back on.. we had people losing everything they owned to corrupt officials in the pay of wealthy business and landowners.. there were long lines of people looking for work??" Host: (in a whisper): "Look bub.. I get paid really good to push this crapola ok? Quit looking for a handout and take some personal responsibility like I have. Find your own rich person, get down on your knees and get to work... Ok, that's all the time we have for callers... now back to some music, up next.. twelve straight hours of Ted Nugent!!" |
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