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9.27.2004
So what happens when I get a girlfriend? Do I shut down the blog, pretend like it never existed or do I tell her about it and let her read through the year of random ramblings that I have posted up here? And while I'm at it... what would I buy first if I won the lottery? Ya know.. I've only had a few girlfriends, and in general, I'm a pretty good boyfriend. I'm respectful of what they want, I don't go all psycho and controlling, and I make an effort to keep her happy. But having a girlfriend is an oddity on my life. I go long times in between. Some people always have a girl that they are seeing. I spend long periods of time by myself and I get used to being responsible for just myself. There was a time when I wondered whether or not I would be able to sustain a long term relationship, whether I would be able to accept having to take another person into consideration. I learned that I could, and it did. It worked out pretty well until we decided to part ways. Its good to know... I have a weird reaction to women that I find attractive. The more I like them the more I ignore them. Thinking about this a second you realize what a losing strategy this is. I know... I know... I wonder about the evolutionary usefulness of guilt; keeping people in line with the social hierarchy? I feel guilty trying to make a girl pay attention to me. My reaction is "Why should I try to make someone pay attention to me if they don't want to?" But at the same time I love it when people pay attention to me. Occasionally I do get a girl that throws herself at me for some unknown reason. Usually its not someone that I'm attracted to, but I'm nice about it. I swear I am. Guilt... Shame? I would rather just avoid the whole situation altogether. Somewhere, sometime a cutie will express an interest and I'll be game... but till then.. |
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