|
Dissolve into Evergreens
|
||||
|
Pushing Americans Aside Move America Forward ! M... Buggy Clicking on the picture will open a new w... Housekeeping! Whew... every so often you just hav... What do I see? god called in sick today This ima... Blowhards AP Wire | 06/11/2004 | Limbaugh announc... The Why and the Buy Orion > Curmudgeon in the Wil... Inside Info There's no chance that I can get peop... Best off... drug testing Okiedoke - Vintage Okie ... Tax Relief Falls Through Windshield (link) PAOLI... A Sporting Chance I've always had a weird relatio... Justin Oldham - Politics and Patriotism
Wilco The Flaming Lips The New Radicals John Mayer Zero 7 Dream Theater Radiohead Death Cab for Cutie The Notwist O.S.I. Ani Difranco The Shins Elliott Smith Badly Drawn Boy Chroma Key Coheed and Cambria The Streets Andrew Bird Sufjan Stevens Atom Site Feed 
|
6.16.2004
I'll take the one on the left Why should we be surprised when people approach marriage the same way that they approach any other purchase decision? Day after day people come to me for help making a purchase. Some have done their research and I simply facilitate the purchase by helping them gather up what they need. Others come to me professing complete and total ignorance. They put their trust in me to help them along the road to making a good decision. Sometimes the process works and other times it fails. The way that people come to make their purchase decisions varies in so many ways that I find I can still be surprised by what people say and do during the process. I am amused most by people that ask for my advice then just as quickly ignore it in favor of some prejudice (usually involving money). I have learned to never underestimate the power of the human mind to rationalize a decision. Do these same attitudes carry over into other life choices as well? I would think so. If the decision to get married follows the same rules of any other market decision we should not be upset that people get married and get divorced when and where they decide. Its like selling a car is it not? And we should not be surprised when people make bad choices based on bad information. Its expected right? In an earlier post I remarked that one of the most common occurrences I experience are people who "want" something, they have a general idea of what they want, but haven't done the legwork to really narrow down their options. I am therefore expected to make a decision for them. I do not enjoy this situation as it places the responsibility on my shoulders instead of where I feel it belongs: on the purchaser. After all, you will be spending the money and living with my choice. As a salesman, I am there to get you to the point where you feel comfortable making your purchase, there is no analogue for marriage, except for maybe the advice of friends and family. With marriage, if you do not know what you want then there is no salesman there to provide you with the information that you may need to make a good decision. I do advocate letting people live together without branding them as sinners. I can think of no better way to learn if a relationship will work than to give it a "test run". Many people know that they "want" to get married but are not sure about "to who?" If only there was a person whose job it was to help you decide who to marry? A marriage salesman who helps you navigate the dating world to find your perfect soulmate? A marriage agent? Maybe I've just invented a new occupation? Or does it already exist? I know many churches expect you to undergo pre-marriage counseling before they will marry you. I suspect they do this to try to reduce the number of bad marriages they preside over. However, unlike buying new luggage or even a new car there are unique and sometimes painful pressures on people to choose a partner, hitch up, and start popping out babies. "You married yet!" "When are we gonna get some grandbabies!" I have a good friend that was convinced that she would be married by 21. She is now about 24-25, still unmarried and last I spoke with her, glad that she didn't rush into a marriage to simply meet some predefined expectations. I applaud her wisdom. No doubt there was some outside motivation to get married young and jump into that marital bliss. Even if it was just a sense of expectation. Its what one does. Making a purchase and getting married share many of the same characteristics. We should make informed decisions and not feel rushed to make a "purchase" by either societal pressure or by a pushy salesman. I know that for many people, the pressure to follow the expected norms of society are strong. And when those dreams never materialize or they don't turn out they way they should there is a feeling of guilt, of failure, and even shame. But in reality, there are very few of us that lead the "perfect lives" wherein we graduate from college, meet the mate of our dreams, find our dream jobs that give us joy and a deep sense of meaning, buy a nice house, get a golden retriever, have two and a half babies that are little angels and smart as tacks and live out nice clean lives till our golden years when we retire, take up traveling and eventually die quietly in our sleep. When real life comes along and gets in the way we can get pretty steamed. That's not to say that some people don't live lives just like I described. But in general they are either the object of our collective envy or seen as freaks of natures. More than likely they are just really good at hiding their warts. The rest of us usually get some of what we want and a few nasty surprises to throw us off our horses. I consider THAT to be normal. We all have a little bit of weirdness and hardship to bear don't we? But it never hurts to shop for what we want. Put it on the credit card. |
Comments:
Post a Comment
|
About Me
Any Box 
|
||
|
Dissolve into Evergreens
|
||||
