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Not so long ago I asked a simple question of the Demistifying Divas:
"Would you ever date/marry a man that has neither money, good looks or charm? If so what does your current significant other lack in this regard?"
Silk, I feel, pretty much dodged the heart of the question. I should have known better than to include money and charm in that question. Her answer:
Alas it is true, I once dated a guy who had neither charm, money or wit! I was bored out of my skull and made a hasty retreat to my nun status. Let's face it, looks fade, money gets spent quickly and charm is often a barf inducing trait on most people if they aren't sincere. I love a guy with humor and who can take as good as he gets otherwise he's gonna end up crying and I'm gonna be bored a lot of the time. Some moves in the bedroom gets him double points
I've emailed Silk to find out if the guy in question was good looking or not. Because, otherwise, why would you date someone that wasn't interesting?
I want someone to admit that their significant other is unattractive.
What really bugs me though, is the way in which looks affect the way people treat you.
And don't you even dare to deny that it does.
The other day I was talking to a friend at work and he made a unflattering remark about a female co-worker. The C word was used. He felt that she spent way too much time complaining about work and acting like a martyr. But let's face it, grousing about the job has a grand tradition. Its what people do when they work together. What else do we have in common but a mutual dislike of our job and our co-workers?
But the irony of this statement is that this friend of mine is also chasing after another girl we both work with. Personally, I've never had a conversation with this girl that didn't include a liberal dose of complaining about work. In fact, I would say that the girl he likes spends more time complaining to me than the other girl, about whom he himself was complaining about.
The difference? Girl #2 is a little hottie, Girl #1 is a "large" girl; tall and wide.
I'm not judging my friend on his opinions. He's just being honest about how he feels. I don't think he consciously factors in looks when he judges a girl's personality. Its just natural that we think more highly of people that we find attractive and would like to "know".
There are three gates that one must pass through to get into a relationship.
They go in that order. If you get stopped at gate one, then you're stuck. You may get to gate three based on attraction, but you're not going to stay in that relationship long, unless its one of those weird ones where the mutual partners don't like each other but stay together anyways. But no amount of personality is going to save you if you can't make their juices flow. You might as well be speaking a foreign language at that point.
I thought I might include a handy guide to understanding how looks change perception:
If you are good looking, and you are...
Being quiet -- you're mysterious/broody
Dressing sloppy -- you're cool
Being flirtatious -- you're a player
Acting aggressive and domineering -- you're confident
Dressing in skimpy clothes -- you're hot
Talking too much about yourself -- you're fascinating
Telling crude/stupid jokes -- you're witty and funny
If you're not good looking, and you are...
Being quiet -- you're invisible
Dressing sloppy -- you're a slob
Being flirtatious -- you're a creep
Acting aggressive and domineering -- you're a prick/jerk
Dressing in skimpy clothes -- you're a skank
Talking too much about yourself -- you're a bore
Telling crude/stupid jokes -- you're a pervert
There's more, but you get the general idea.
I'm not saying that looks will carry you through. Because as is often the case, once that initial attraction wears off you're really going to have to be all those things that he/she thought you were. Its at this point that Prince (or Princess) Charming "turns into" a creep, bore, prick, slob, mental patient, etc... when in reality they were always that way.
Still, its always amusing to watch the new guy flirt with the girl that everyone knows is nuts.
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